Why bother?
Apr. 13th, 2007 12:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aislynnI received some probably wise advice tonight: if I stress SO much over vidding, then why am I even bothering? If I'm such a stupid perfectionist (adjective mine) and it makes it SO hard to even choose the next clip on the timeline, then how can I honestly say it's fun? And if it's a hobby, isn't it supposed to be fun?
I've got no answer for that. I'm sitting here feeling literally exhausted from working on this vid for the past 2 hours. I have not advanced it any at all tonight. It's still at 1:39. I spent all my time trying to straighten out the INSANE timing and trying to smooth out the rough transitions where my clips were too short to fit the time I needed them to fit. Then I sat here for the past 30 minutes trying desperately to find the next set of clips. I've tried just sitting here listening to the music with my eyes closed (sometimes I'll suddenly "see" what's supposed to go next). I've tried sitting here quietly and just going through the bin thing (I've already closed Vegas and I guess I'm upset enough I can't remember what the "holding pen" for your eps/clips is called *sigh* ) and hoping that inspiration would strike (sometimes that works as well).
I've got nothing. I literally CANNOT find the next clip. So I jumped ahead to the next clip that I did know (it's so nice that Vegas lets you do that). I found that clip that's about 6 seconds down the timeline, cut it out... and it's got the blinkies. BAD. *sigh* If you know Vegas, then you know that that is its neurotic twitch. You'll have 50 split-seconds of black randomly strewn through your clip. I've found the quickest way to deal with it is to zoom in close, then go through it one split-second at a time, splitting the clip and removing each instance of black until you've got rid of them all. Then quickly re-rendering that piece and use THAT for your vid. If you wait too long, more blinkies will appear and you'll have this one clip cut into a zillion pieces for nothing. *sigh* I started to do that and realized...the clip really doesn't work there. So I didn't bother "de-blinking" it.
So, scratch that 6 second ahead clip. I'm back to nothing again. And I'm dead tired and I have nothing to show for all this wrestling and fighting I've done with this thing today. It's been 6 weeks today since I put the first clip on the timeline. At this rate, it'll be another month before I'm done with the last minute and, you know what? I'm sick of looking at this thing. I just want it DONE so I don't ever have to meet it in Vegas ever again. And that's a real great way to feel about my vid. It'll certainly show in this last minute, that's for sure.
I'm tempted to just switch off to something else but I know from experience if I do, then I'll never come back to this one. But maybe that's for the best. If it's THIS hard to do, then there's probably some intrinsic flaw I'm building into it that's going to make it look stupid anyway. So what am I struggling so hard for? To make a dumb-looking vid? Why do I struggle AT ALL to vid anymore?
I lost my writing this exact same way. This same sort of stuff happened at the end, where it became physically painful to try and write, to face a blank page and realize that I had no words left in me to put on them. I have no clips for this vid. Maybe I don't have any clips for any vids. Maybe I should just give up on vidding like I gave up on writing and just forget I ever thought I was a "creative" person. Maybe I should just shut up entirely.
My apologies for leaving this where you can read it. I probably should've deleted it or made it private or whatever. I know you've all got to be sick of hearing this same old idiot complaining from me on EVERY vid. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of hating what I love. But I don't know how to get around it. I don't know whether to leave this vid where it's at and sacrifice it to try and save my vidding as a whole. Or do I press on and force myself to use just whatever clips and finish this thing, knowing full-well it looks bad? (That's what I did with my first Supernatural vid, quite honestly, and now I can't stand to even look at it anymore. :S I let it be substandard and that's really embarrassing to have to admit.) So do I do that to this vid, knowing I'll be ashamed of it down the line?
And why am I making such a big deal out of this at all, right? It's just a stupid fanvid. It's not my career, not my only means of supporting myself or something like that. It does NOT matter at all in the grand scheme of things. So why do I make this so hard?
Which brings me back to that advice. If it's not fun anymore, then why do I do it? Maybe I should give some serious thought to giving up on vidding. It'll hurt but it can't be worse than giving up my writing. I identified myself as a writer from the time I was old enough TO write. I sold my first story when I was a teenager. I was a writer. But I'm not anymore. I can be a "has-been" vidder just as easily.
The other day, I saw one of my flisters mark her entry as "one I'll be sorry later that I wrote." This one is my "one I'll be sorry later that I wrote."
Again my apologies. I'm really tired and I just needed to rant a bit and get this off my chest. Sometimes, you just need to talk it out, just to try and put it all in words to explain it to somebody else so you can try to explain it to yourself. I'm sure that none of this is as dire as it seems right now. I'll probably wake up tomorrow knowing exactly the right clip for this next set (that has ALSO happened before *sigh*). But the question still remains: why do I do something for "fun" when it's really NOT fun anymore?
I don't know the answer to that.
I've got no answer for that. I'm sitting here feeling literally exhausted from working on this vid for the past 2 hours. I have not advanced it any at all tonight. It's still at 1:39. I spent all my time trying to straighten out the INSANE timing and trying to smooth out the rough transitions where my clips were too short to fit the time I needed them to fit. Then I sat here for the past 30 minutes trying desperately to find the next set of clips. I've tried just sitting here listening to the music with my eyes closed (sometimes I'll suddenly "see" what's supposed to go next). I've tried sitting here quietly and just going through the bin thing (I've already closed Vegas and I guess I'm upset enough I can't remember what the "holding pen" for your eps/clips is called *sigh* ) and hoping that inspiration would strike (sometimes that works as well).
I've got nothing. I literally CANNOT find the next clip. So I jumped ahead to the next clip that I did know (it's so nice that Vegas lets you do that). I found that clip that's about 6 seconds down the timeline, cut it out... and it's got the blinkies. BAD. *sigh* If you know Vegas, then you know that that is its neurotic twitch. You'll have 50 split-seconds of black randomly strewn through your clip. I've found the quickest way to deal with it is to zoom in close, then go through it one split-second at a time, splitting the clip and removing each instance of black until you've got rid of them all. Then quickly re-rendering that piece and use THAT for your vid. If you wait too long, more blinkies will appear and you'll have this one clip cut into a zillion pieces for nothing. *sigh* I started to do that and realized...the clip really doesn't work there. So I didn't bother "de-blinking" it.
So, scratch that 6 second ahead clip. I'm back to nothing again. And I'm dead tired and I have nothing to show for all this wrestling and fighting I've done with this thing today. It's been 6 weeks today since I put the first clip on the timeline. At this rate, it'll be another month before I'm done with the last minute and, you know what? I'm sick of looking at this thing. I just want it DONE so I don't ever have to meet it in Vegas ever again. And that's a real great way to feel about my vid. It'll certainly show in this last minute, that's for sure.
I'm tempted to just switch off to something else but I know from experience if I do, then I'll never come back to this one. But maybe that's for the best. If it's THIS hard to do, then there's probably some intrinsic flaw I'm building into it that's going to make it look stupid anyway. So what am I struggling so hard for? To make a dumb-looking vid? Why do I struggle AT ALL to vid anymore?
I lost my writing this exact same way. This same sort of stuff happened at the end, where it became physically painful to try and write, to face a blank page and realize that I had no words left in me to put on them. I have no clips for this vid. Maybe I don't have any clips for any vids. Maybe I should just give up on vidding like I gave up on writing and just forget I ever thought I was a "creative" person. Maybe I should just shut up entirely.
My apologies for leaving this where you can read it. I probably should've deleted it or made it private or whatever. I know you've all got to be sick of hearing this same old idiot complaining from me on EVERY vid. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of hating what I love. But I don't know how to get around it. I don't know whether to leave this vid where it's at and sacrifice it to try and save my vidding as a whole. Or do I press on and force myself to use just whatever clips and finish this thing, knowing full-well it looks bad? (That's what I did with my first Supernatural vid, quite honestly, and now I can't stand to even look at it anymore. :S I let it be substandard and that's really embarrassing to have to admit.) So do I do that to this vid, knowing I'll be ashamed of it down the line?
And why am I making such a big deal out of this at all, right? It's just a stupid fanvid. It's not my career, not my only means of supporting myself or something like that. It does NOT matter at all in the grand scheme of things. So why do I make this so hard?
Which brings me back to that advice. If it's not fun anymore, then why do I do it? Maybe I should give some serious thought to giving up on vidding. It'll hurt but it can't be worse than giving up my writing. I identified myself as a writer from the time I was old enough TO write. I sold my first story when I was a teenager. I was a writer. But I'm not anymore. I can be a "has-been" vidder just as easily.
The other day, I saw one of my flisters mark her entry as "one I'll be sorry later that I wrote." This one is my "one I'll be sorry later that I wrote."
Again my apologies. I'm really tired and I just needed to rant a bit and get this off my chest. Sometimes, you just need to talk it out, just to try and put it all in words to explain it to somebody else so you can try to explain it to yourself. I'm sure that none of this is as dire as it seems right now. I'll probably wake up tomorrow knowing exactly the right clip for this next set (that has ALSO happened before *sigh*). But the question still remains: why do I do something for "fun" when it's really NOT fun anymore?
I don't know the answer to that.
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no subject
Date: 2007-04-14 03:47 pm (UTC)It's so painful to see something you work so hard on... not working. Here's some advices, I hope they're going to help.
1. You don't know what clip to use:
Take any clip of Sawyer or Kate looking angsty/sad/happy, depending on the feel of your video. I do it all the time... so what if it's random? It's little seconds at a time (2-3 random scenes) and it's not going to affect your overall vid...
2. Blinkie
I get them all the time when I use overlays, spit screens and cookie cutters. I use the default settings when it happens... the vid file gets bigger, but so what? almost everyone watching vids these days have a fast connection.
Audio: 64 Kbps, 44,100 Hz, 16 Bit, Stereo.
Video: 29.970 fps, 720x480, Quality VBR 90, WMV V9 Compression.
But if you really want a smaller file, then change the image size to 320x240. I don't have blinkie problems with those settings.
3. Not enjoying vidding
Take a break. Maybe do some graphics or write some fanfiction to change your ideas a little?
And yeah. Good enough is good enough. I may have to enlist you for a perfectionist anonymous therapy session. ;)
no subject
Date: 2007-04-16 05:22 am (UTC)Take any clip of Sawyer or Kate looking angsty/sad/happy, depending on the feel of your video. I do it all the time... so what if it's random?
I never would've guessed that! Your vids always look so polished! ♥!
Thanks for your settings! I'll definitely play around with them when I'm rendering because your vids always come out really nice quality, too, even at YouTube which is so notorious for squashing the quality! *angry* But you know where my blinkies are coming at? It's in my clips themselves! When I put eps in the Trimmer and preview them, they already have the "10,000 blinkies per second" issue before I even cut them! o_O So when I drag the cut out clip to the timeline, it's full of all of those blinkie moments before I've even used it for the vid! It doesn't happen all the time (or I'd have my hair pulled out by now! ;) ) but probably like every 1 clip out of 100 I use. And even those clips don't always blink. *frustrated sigh* It's probably some goofy codec problem on my computer!
Take a break. Maybe do some graphics or write some fanfiction to change your ideas a little?
That's definitely what I'm going to do! ♥! I finished that next Top 10 meme that
And yeah. Good enough is good enough. I may have to enlist you for a perfectionist anonymous therapy session. ;)
I TOTALLY need to find a good PA meeting to go to... LOL! ;) (For an example of my painstaking vidding habits, see my answer to Jen's question in the comments right above this... It kinda explains how I make myself totally nutty! o_O ;) )
*smishes you!* ♥♥♥!
no subject
Date: 2007-04-17 04:54 am (UTC)And even those clips don't always blink.
...um, since you said that the clips don't always blink, the fact that you're using the trimmer might be a part of the problem. When I was doing Hit the Floor, I kept getting that blinky crap, too, and then Kayla told me to try just putting the episodes right on the timeline to trim them. I haven't had any blinkies since. Maybe that's just luck, but I'm not gonna mess with a good thing. So, when I'm cutting clips, I have the music I'm using on the top layer, the clips I'm using on the second layer, leave a third layer empty so I can do overlays or cookie cutters or whatever, and I put the episodes on the fourth layer and drop the opacity of the other layers to zero while I cut the clips right on the timeline. then I just leave them there with like ten or twenty frames between each clip until I need them in the VID's timeline.
Actually, when I first tried it, I thought it'd be harder than using the trimmer, but honestly, I find it much easier than making subclips. Another problem I was having with subclips is that sometimes when I cut them, if they weren't blinking...they wouldn't let me move them onto the timeline from the project media O_o So, it's a lot easier for me to just put them on the timeline and cut 'em that way. In any case, try that and see if it helps any?
no subject
Date: 2007-04-17 05:56 am (UTC)Duuuuuuuude! O_O I just imported a part of an ep (recall that I have to render all of my eps in 4 WMV parts so to accommodate 1. Vegas's deeply intense hatred of AVI and 2. WMM's deeply intense hatred of rendering anything longer than 15 or so minutes at a time ;) ) and put it in the Trimmer. It was blinkin' like a toad in a hail storm *has never personally seen a toad in a hail storm but my Southern relatives use that expression and it sounds basically plausible* ;) ). So I pulled the whole piece up onto a fourth timeline (recall also that Baby Vegas only has 4 video timelines but at least this vid is only currently using 3 of them so I had one to spare! ;) ). And NO BLINKIES! I just roughly split the clip before and after where I needed, deleted the other pieces, and just had to work with that small bit to get the clip I needed!
*does extreme happy dancing* That will make me the happiest viddergirl in the whole wide world if that's all it takes to avoid the Blinkies!
*squishes you liek woah* ;) ♥♥♥!
no subject
Date: 2007-04-17 05:58 am (UTC)♥♥♥!
no subject
Date: 2007-04-17 07:19 am (UTC)I'm glad that worked for you! :D If you ever don't have an extra timeline, though, just put it at the end of the timeline you're working on and then move it where it needs to go; I've done that, too, sometimes, because working with four layers is fine; I can see them all without scrolling. Working with five sucks, and I hate it, so I avoid it. ;)