![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aislynnIn the past few weeks, I've heard about half a dozen vidders who are seriously considering giving up vidding. What's really strange about it, they're all pretty much giving the same reason: They can no longer "compete" with the other vids/vidders out there.
And that got me to thinking, didn't vidding start off as a fun way to express yourself through your fandom and music of choice? When did that become "not good enough?" Now, don't get me wrong, competition is a healthy thing and constructive criticism, while not fun to hear, is an invaluable way to learn what your strengths and weaknesses are so you can improve. The struggle is a part of the process that makes us better at vidding (or anything actually). But there comes a time when the struggle overwhelms all the rest and it's just not fun anymore.
So, what to do? Obviously that's something every vidder has to decide for him/herself. I'm coming to a sort of epiphany for myself. I'm a Lost vidder. That's my comfort zone. That's the fandom I know. That's the fandom in which I can focus on what I can do to make my vid (hopefully) more unique and more interesting than just a straight-up shipper vid ('cause c'mon, I'm pretty much a shipper vidder, now aren't I?) ;) I've heard people talk about "shipper vids" with a sneering attitude like shipper = horrifying n00b. And yes, a lot of times they come across as "ZOMGSKATE4EVA!!!!" and that's about as deep as they go. ;) But what connects me to a character is usually their relationship with another character. I AM a diehard shipper so it stands that I'm going to be attracted to shipper vids ;)
But I'm not just satisfied with making a "normal" vid. It has to have a gimmick. It has to have something more in someway, no matter if I'm making a shipper vid, a character study, an action ensemble, whatever. If I don't have that then I feel like I'm making a vid that's substandard. That's too plain and boring to "compete" and I'll shelve the idea before I even bother to finish the vid.
And all of this is bringing me around to my epiphany. Once I try to move out of the Lost fandom, I find myself out in uncharted seas. I don't know the footage as well, I don't know what the basics of the vid is going to be, so I can't possibly find a gimmick for it. I can no longer "compete." I'm back to being a n00bie vidder, churning out bland, boring vids. For a while now, I've been trying to figure out why I keep bumping all my other fandom vids back. I never finished that Battlestar Galactica vid (I'd actually forgotten about it until![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
super_kc asked me about what happened to it the other day! O_O ) that I was all excited about. :S I did the incredibly lame hot!Dean Supernatural vid that I can only stand to watch by continuing to remind myself the entire time that it was my first SPN vid, it was just for practice, I wasn't trying to make a "good" vid, etc. :S
I've shot down 3 Supernatural vid ideas since that "practice" vid, 3 that were pretty solid and serious ideas (my evil!Sam one being the last one to get a theoretical bullet :S ) and I finally decided I need to understand WHY I can't seem to vid outside of Lost and feel like I know what I'm doing. Why can everybody else jump from fandom to fandom to fandom as effortlessly as changing different colored sweaters, while Lost has me in a hold like a straitjacket? And it's the fact I feel like I can't make a vid that can "compete."
My first thought was, "Well, then I'll only make Lost vids!" but that's not a very satisfying answer. :S In many ways, I have other fandoms that I love a lot MORE than Lost, so I don't want to completely cut off the idea of vidding them. So I've been hanging out in this kinda unhappy "I wanna vid other fandoms but I don't wanna" state of mind until The Epiphany finally arrived in the form of a Heroes vid.
As soon as I'm done with my present project and the Skate request vid, I'm doing a Heroes vid. I'm sure of it. I know it in my bones, I've already got the gimmick for it. The clip choices are falling into place more and more every time I hear the song for it. I already know this vid before I've put a single clip on the timeline. So...what's making this non-Lost vid different from all the Supernatural vids I've meant to do? (I mean, c'mon, I've seen Supernatural a lot more than I have Heroes, right? I thought it was not being familiar enough with the material that was giving me the problem... o_O )
And then I understood. The Heroes vid isn't going anywhere. I'll put it here in my LJ and that's pretty much it. Even if I put it in the couple of Heroes comms I've joined, nobody will show up to watch it because nobody "knows" me there. (I could put it in![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
vidding and get the same result. ;) ) It'll sail blissfully along, not having to worry about whether it's going to do well in The Competition because it won't be competing anywhere! Unlike a Supernatural vid that would get thrown out there to be held up and scrutinized against all of the so-good-they're-scary SPN vids that are out there at places like SVS and comms like supernaturalvid (and galactica_vids in the case of my BSG vid), this vid is safe from all of that. I can just do it like I want to and not worry if it's "good enough." It will just be as good as I can do it and beyond that, it's no big deal. Nobody's gonna watch it other than the nice people on my flist who'll look at it to humor me. But I'm not entering it into any contests. I'm not putting it out there to be compared to vids that are so much better than it is.
It'll just be...a fun way to express myself through this fandom and through a song.
Maybe I'll get past feeling this way about Supernatural and BSG. Maybe I'll vid for them again one day, when I feel like I can bring something to the table that will make them strong enough to stand proud in their respectively competitive fields. But for now, I've got to be content with who I am. I'm a Lost shipper vidder. That's what I can do, as much as I can do anything at all vid-wise. It's time to take the pressure off, to stop feeling such despair when I even think about vidding for something else.
Maybe if those other vidders who are seriously thinking about giving up vidding could find a way to take their vids out of "the competition" and just go back to the start again, they might not have to give up vidding at all. Maybe vidding could be fun for them again, too.
Note: I'm not in ANY way suggesting that Heroes is a substandard field for vids. I have absolutely no doubt that there are vidders in there right now making Heroes vids that just knock your socks off and take your breath away! But, as of right this moment, I haven't seen very many Heroes vids, period. I'm still so new to this fandom that I squeak, lol! ;) And I'm trying to keep it that way, frankly. I want the chance to do my own vid before I really dive in and see how just deeply out-gunned I am! O_O 'Cause once that sinks in, then Heroes will move into the same category as Supernatural and there'll be NO WAY I can bring myself to try and "compete" with that.
So for now, I'm putting aside the idea of trying a "serious" Supernatural vid (though it's with no great irony that you ought to find a new Supernatural project posted here next week some time but it's not a "real" vid ;) ). I'm taking the pressure off. It's like I've been clutching this heavy "I'm not good enough to compete in this field!" thing to me and now, I'm finally putting it down. I don't have to compete. I can just have fun with my vidding again. I can be free.
"Running in circles
Chasing tails
And coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start"
"The Scientist," Coldplay
And of course, this whole Non-Lost Fandom Vid Epiphany moment in no way exempts me from all of the required vidding angst I'll go through with every Lost vid. ;) So don't expect to not come across anymore of my ZOMGVIDDINGANGST! posts in the future! They'll be there, right on schedule... ;)
Annnnnnnd my vidding muse is notoriously evil. I have the sneaking suspicion that she's going to hit me with a burning desire to do that evil!Sam vid again, grrr. But even if she does, I know now that I don't have to post it anywhere other than here where it's a bit "safer." I don't have to send it out to be clobbered by all of the Big Guns of Vidding that are out there. O_O It doesn't have to compete. It can just be me, Supernatural, and a song, back at the start again, telling a story for the fun of it and nothing more. ;)
I just needed to write all of that down, for my own benefit if nothing else. Thanks for reading it, if you did. ;) And if you didn't, no worries, you still get a cookie. ;) *hugs* ♥♥♥!!!
And that got me to thinking, didn't vidding start off as a fun way to express yourself through your fandom and music of choice? When did that become "not good enough?" Now, don't get me wrong, competition is a healthy thing and constructive criticism, while not fun to hear, is an invaluable way to learn what your strengths and weaknesses are so you can improve. The struggle is a part of the process that makes us better at vidding (or anything actually). But there comes a time when the struggle overwhelms all the rest and it's just not fun anymore.
So, what to do? Obviously that's something every vidder has to decide for him/herself. I'm coming to a sort of epiphany for myself. I'm a Lost vidder. That's my comfort zone. That's the fandom I know. That's the fandom in which I can focus on what I can do to make my vid (hopefully) more unique and more interesting than just a straight-up shipper vid ('cause c'mon, I'm pretty much a shipper vidder, now aren't I?) ;) I've heard people talk about "shipper vids" with a sneering attitude like shipper = horrifying n00b. And yes, a lot of times they come across as "ZOMGSKATE4EVA!!!!" and that's about as deep as they go. ;) But what connects me to a character is usually their relationship with another character. I AM a diehard shipper so it stands that I'm going to be attracted to shipper vids ;)
But I'm not just satisfied with making a "normal" vid. It has to have a gimmick. It has to have something more in someway, no matter if I'm making a shipper vid, a character study, an action ensemble, whatever. If I don't have that then I feel like I'm making a vid that's substandard. That's too plain and boring to "compete" and I'll shelve the idea before I even bother to finish the vid.
And all of this is bringing me around to my epiphany. Once I try to move out of the Lost fandom, I find myself out in uncharted seas. I don't know the footage as well, I don't know what the basics of the vid is going to be, so I can't possibly find a gimmick for it. I can no longer "compete." I'm back to being a n00bie vidder, churning out bland, boring vids. For a while now, I've been trying to figure out why I keep bumping all my other fandom vids back. I never finished that Battlestar Galactica vid (I'd actually forgotten about it until
super_kc asked me about what happened to it the other day! O_O ) that I was all excited about. :S I did the incredibly lame hot!Dean Supernatural vid that I can only stand to watch by continuing to remind myself the entire time that it was my first SPN vid, it was just for practice, I wasn't trying to make a "good" vid, etc. :S I've shot down 3 Supernatural vid ideas since that "practice" vid, 3 that were pretty solid and serious ideas (my evil!Sam one being the last one to get a theoretical bullet :S ) and I finally decided I need to understand WHY I can't seem to vid outside of Lost and feel like I know what I'm doing. Why can everybody else jump from fandom to fandom to fandom as effortlessly as changing different colored sweaters, while Lost has me in a hold like a straitjacket? And it's the fact I feel like I can't make a vid that can "compete."
My first thought was, "Well, then I'll only make Lost vids!" but that's not a very satisfying answer. :S In many ways, I have other fandoms that I love a lot MORE than Lost, so I don't want to completely cut off the idea of vidding them. So I've been hanging out in this kinda unhappy "I wanna vid other fandoms but I don't wanna" state of mind until The Epiphany finally arrived in the form of a Heroes vid.
As soon as I'm done with my present project and the Skate request vid, I'm doing a Heroes vid. I'm sure of it. I know it in my bones, I've already got the gimmick for it. The clip choices are falling into place more and more every time I hear the song for it. I already know this vid before I've put a single clip on the timeline. So...what's making this non-Lost vid different from all the Supernatural vids I've meant to do? (I mean, c'mon, I've seen Supernatural a lot more than I have Heroes, right? I thought it was not being familiar enough with the material that was giving me the problem... o_O )
And then I understood. The Heroes vid isn't going anywhere. I'll put it here in my LJ and that's pretty much it. Even if I put it in the couple of Heroes comms I've joined, nobody will show up to watch it because nobody "knows" me there. (I could put it in
vidding and get the same result. ;) ) It'll sail blissfully along, not having to worry about whether it's going to do well in The Competition because it won't be competing anywhere! Unlike a Supernatural vid that would get thrown out there to be held up and scrutinized against all of the so-good-they're-scary SPN vids that are out there at places like SVS and comms like supernaturalvid (and galactica_vids in the case of my BSG vid), this vid is safe from all of that. I can just do it like I want to and not worry if it's "good enough." It will just be as good as I can do it and beyond that, it's no big deal. Nobody's gonna watch it other than the nice people on my flist who'll look at it to humor me. But I'm not entering it into any contests. I'm not putting it out there to be compared to vids that are so much better than it is. It'll just be...a fun way to express myself through this fandom and through a song.
Maybe I'll get past feeling this way about Supernatural and BSG. Maybe I'll vid for them again one day, when I feel like I can bring something to the table that will make them strong enough to stand proud in their respectively competitive fields. But for now, I've got to be content with who I am. I'm a Lost shipper vidder. That's what I can do, as much as I can do anything at all vid-wise. It's time to take the pressure off, to stop feeling such despair when I even think about vidding for something else.
Maybe if those other vidders who are seriously thinking about giving up vidding could find a way to take their vids out of "the competition" and just go back to the start again, they might not have to give up vidding at all. Maybe vidding could be fun for them again, too.
Note: I'm not in ANY way suggesting that Heroes is a substandard field for vids. I have absolutely no doubt that there are vidders in there right now making Heroes vids that just knock your socks off and take your breath away! But, as of right this moment, I haven't seen very many Heroes vids, period. I'm still so new to this fandom that I squeak, lol! ;) And I'm trying to keep it that way, frankly. I want the chance to do my own vid before I really dive in and see how just deeply out-gunned I am! O_O 'Cause once that sinks in, then Heroes will move into the same category as Supernatural and there'll be NO WAY I can bring myself to try and "compete" with that.
So for now, I'm putting aside the idea of trying a "serious" Supernatural vid (though it's with no great irony that you ought to find a new Supernatural project posted here next week some time but it's not a "real" vid ;) ). I'm taking the pressure off. It's like I've been clutching this heavy "I'm not good enough to compete in this field!" thing to me and now, I'm finally putting it down. I don't have to compete. I can just have fun with my vidding again. I can be free.
"Running in circles
Chasing tails
And coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start"
"The Scientist," Coldplay
And of course, this whole Non-Lost Fandom Vid Epiphany moment in no way exempts me from all of the required vidding angst I'll go through with every Lost vid. ;) So don't expect to not come across anymore of my ZOMGVIDDINGANGST! posts in the future! They'll be there, right on schedule... ;)
Annnnnnnd my vidding muse is notoriously evil. I have the sneaking suspicion that she's going to hit me with a burning desire to do that evil!Sam vid again, grrr. But even if she does, I know now that I don't have to post it anywhere other than here where it's a bit "safer." I don't have to send it out to be clobbered by all of the Big Guns of Vidding that are out there. O_O It doesn't have to compete. It can just be me, Supernatural, and a song, back at the start again, telling a story for the fun of it and nothing more. ;)
I just needed to write all of that down, for my own benefit if nothing else. Thanks for reading it, if you did. ;) And if you didn't, no worries, you still get a cookie. ;) *hugs* ♥♥♥!!!
